Interpersonal skills are often seen as a natural talent, something that some people simply have and others don’t. But in my experience working with leaders across industries, I’ve found that interpersonal skills—especially communication—are built, refined, and strengthened like any other competency. The key? Learning to listen.
From Wall Street to Coaching: A Journey of Human Connection
My career has taken me from being a nurse in Istanbul to 15 years in finance on Wall Street, to coaching executives and leaders worldwide. While these fields seem vastly different, they all have one thing in common: success depends on how well you connect with people.
In my early days in finance, I thrived in a role that was highly collaborative—training analysts in New York, London, and Beijing, while covering thousands of companies worldwide. Then, after ten years, I moved into a standalone role and felt a significant shift: the human factor was missing. That realization led me to coaching, where I focus on helping leaders develop their ability to engage, inspire, and communicate effectively.
Why Listening is the Most Underrated Leadership Skill
Most people assume that effective leadership is about talking, motivating teams, making decisions, and giving direction. But the most impactful leaders are those who listen first. The world moves fast, and conversations often become a battle of who can speak first, rather than a space to truly hear and understand others. A study published in BMC Psychology found that supervisors who practice active-empathetic listening significantly boost employee work engagement, particularly enhancing dedication among team members.
Here’s what I tell my clients:
- Pause before you respond. Let there be a moment of silence. You’d be surprised how this encourages others to do the same.
- Make others feel heard. Often, people talk excessively because they don’t believe they are being listened to. When you actively listen, they naturally slow down and engage more thoughtfully.
- Be aware of non-verbal cues. A leader’s ability to listen goes beyond words—body language, tone, and facial expressions all provide valuable insight into how someone is truly feeling.
From Wallflowers to Commanding Voices
Just as some people dominate conversations, others hold back too much. I work with leaders who are brilliant, yet in meetings, they sit quietly, absorbing information without contributing. Their voices go unheard, and their insights—often valuable—remain untapped.
One technique I share is the Five-Second Rule: if you think of something worth saying, you have five seconds to say it before your brain convinces you otherwise. Many leaders I work with report a major shift in their confidence just by implementing this small but powerful strategy.
The Role of Self-Awareness in Interpersonal Mastery
Interpersonal skills begin with self-awareness—understanding how you communicate, how you’re perceived, and where you can improve. Do you interrupt? Do you avoid confrontation? Do you struggle with small talk? Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward improving them.
Another essential component is intention setting. I often ask my clients: What is your intention before entering a conversation? If the intention is positive—to collaborate, to learn, to support—it naturally shapes the tone, approach, and energy of the exchange. Even difficult conversations become more productive when approached with a clear, positive intent. This includes being authentic. Authentic leadership, characterized by integrity and transparency, has been linked to positive organizational outcomes. Research indicates that authentic leaders enhance respect, trust, and emotional attachment among employees, which in turn boosts performance and creativity. By integrating active listening, self-awareness, and authenticity into their leadership practices, leaders can create more engaged, committed, and innovative teams.
The New Challenge: Leading in a Remote World
With more teams working remotely, interpersonal skills have become even more critical. Leaders must be intentional about building relationships online. A simple private message during a Zoom meeting can make a huge difference: “Great to see you! Let’s catch up soon.” It creates a sense of connection, even in a virtual setting.
For leaders managing remote teams, I recommend:
- Scheduling regular 1:1 check-ins. Group meetings often leave little space for personal connection.
- Encouraging casual conversations. Human connection doesn’t always have to be about work.
- Setting clear expectations. Let your team know how you prefer to communicate and how often they should check in with you.
Final Thoughts
At the heart of every business challenge is a people challenge. Whether leading a team, managing up, or navigating workplace dynamics, strong interpersonal skills set leaders apart. The good news? These skills can be learned, refined, and mastered—starting with something as simple, yet powerful, as listening.
Regardless of industry or job title, success in leadership comes down to one universal truth: people want to feel heard, understood, and valued. When leaders master that, they don’t just improve communication—they transform their teams, their businesses, and themselves.
